Make mine a Cosmopolitan.

     I rarely drink.  Purely because I fail to see the obsession our society has with alcohol.   However, if it became a law that everyone should have a signature drink mine would surely be a Cosmopolitan.  Let me explain.  

When we were young we made friends with almost anybody.  Human, animal, insect, imaginary friend- children have a way of growing attached to just about anything.  Friendships were what we lived for, it was primarily the reason we went to school- to see and be with our friends.  For some there was that one special friend who just ‘got you’.  They were there when the class bully poured sand from the sand pit down your pants and they were the one who was there to console you when you peed yourself publically in the school assembly.  If that friend still happens to be in your life now, then you are fortunate. Extremely fortunate.  Because if we’re honest, the friendships we had when we were five and six years old are – worlds apart from the social circles we find ourselves in today. 


I just so happened to be brought up in an area where my skin colour openly labelled me as the odd one out, so I learnt to adjust- not to sell out.  This meant observing and respecting other cultures and ways of life different to my own.  Okay, so I wasn’t raised on the music of Chas & Dave like some of my counterparts and although many of my friends may not of understood my deep love for Supermalt- I never held it against them.  Rather I saw it as an opportunity to educate people about my culture as well as learning about theirs.
That freedom and innocence that we once possessed as children has vanished. 
   

Now we are cautious who we will be seen out with. Careful that the status we have worked so hard to carve and create does not get erased. Our hearts call concerning friendship has become synonymous with the theme tune from Cheers, “Don’t you wanna go, where everybody knows your name? And they’re always glad you came?”  Don’t we all want to be seen and appreciated? Don’t we all want to be heard? Certainly- but at times we fall guilty to force forming friendships because they look good from the exterior.   


I’ve had my fair share of superficial friendships.  I’ve also been caught in the web of friendships formed out of sheer convenience and although being sociable with the described above is not a sin, sometimes I’ve had to ask myself, “Where is this going?” Because I’ve felt so mentally bored.  Just because we studied the same course or live on the same street does not equate us being the best of friends.

There are some friendships that will never go beyond conversations like the following;

Me: Hey! How are you?

Person X: I’m good, a bit tired though.  How are you?

Me: Yeah, I’m alright.  How was your weekend?


Person X: Yeah it was alright.  Didn’t get up to much. You?

Me:  Same.

At this point the tumbleweed rolls on by.

Now I don’t know about you but I need to feel stimulated- mentally.  I need to be able to talk to a friend on the level regardless of if their outward appearance is the complete opposite of mine.  There has to be a common denominator that will last the distance. There has got to be a connection. Because once that anchor that his stabilising the friendship is removed- will it be able to stand the test of time?

I remember someone saying that some of the most long standing friendships are the ones that began with the words “Me too.” It’s that eureka moment when you find that common ground between yourself and another individual. It doesn’t matter if they shop in Primark while your strictly Harvey Nichols- if it is strong enough to last the distance than it will. 

Looking at the friends that I still keep in contact with from school and they could not have been any different from me.  Some with Mediterranean heritage, others born and bred in Essex and proud of it.  Some attended university, others did not ,but when we meet it’s like we never left.  The jokes keep coming and the good times roll.  We can reminisce, make plans and just socialise- completely being ourselves in each others company-  oblivious to how we look to everyone around us. 

I saw someone tweet on twitter while back, “As I get older I am friendly with all but friends with few.”  This is a truth that is becoming more of a reality.

So, I would make mine a Cosmopolitan because I like a mix of friends past and present from different backgrounds.  Blended in with heaps of laughter, jokes and history. Shaken together and you have the perfect cocktail of a group of individuals who may all be different to me, and don’t necessarily need to understand how my hair is braided or the importance of being able to do the candy dance at weddings.  They just have to get me.  Just be on my wavelength. 


I came.  I saw.  I blog.
Ruthie x
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