For Richer, for poorer.

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If you happen live in England, Scotland or Wales then the 29th April is a day of rest.  It may not be the Sabbath, but an opportunity to enjoy and celebrate the royal wedding between prince William and Kate Middleton.  I love weddings. Especially summer weddings.  Not because you get to look beautiful in your attire, there is free food and drink flowing and you can party the night away but more because of the public commitment being made between two individuals.    

Weddings and their meaning have changed in recent years, the bride does not necessarily have to wear white as a symbol of her virginal status- dresses can range in colour from black to red to just about any other colour of the rainbow.  All because it is the special couples day.  If you want fire breathers and stilt walkers to greet your guests at the wedding reception or choose to walk down the aisle to ABBA’s waterloo then there is nothing holding you back- because modern weddings reflect the couples personality in every which way.

Westminster Abbey is one of the most well known cathedrals in the world and next week it will be centre of attention as Will and Kate tie the knot. Hats will be worn, tears will be shed and vows will be made.  As I was browsing the internet I came across an article [click here for the link] stating that Kate Middleton will be omitting the word “obey” from her vows. Marriage is meant as a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the church (i.e.: his people) but has now been adapted by those who like the idea of marriage and quite fancy getting hitched in a church but are not willing to comply with the requirements and standards that God has put in place.  How any respectful leader of the Christian flock ( i.e. priest/vicar/ pastor/ minister etc.)  can allow rule bending in terms of vows is concerning- but I’ll save that for another blog :o) .    

Although I speak from the point of view as a believer of the Bible and Jesus Christ - I’m perplexed that anyone would think it’s okay to be married in a church- making a commitment before God (and man) and not choose to stick to the vows derived from the Bible.  Okay, so Kate and William may not believe in the Omniscient presence of God and the death and resurrection of his son Jesus Christ- so I cannot hold this decision against them - but like Myles Munroe once said- You can’t choose to be married before God and then get divorced in front of a lawyer or a Judge. Because those vows were not initially made in the courthouse but a church in front of friends, family and in some cases the rest of the world watching through their television sets. 

Definition - Vow: A solemn promise.

Vows are binding. We live in a ‘cop out’ world- where we weave our way out of situations.  For everything there is a plan B.  People no longer choose to love and obey on their wedding day.  They don’t stick with each other for richer, for poorer- in sickness in health.  Now we choose to love our spouse for ever ( and although there is nothing wrong with that- love and expressions of love mean different things to different people.)  Every married couple I know will tell me that marriage is hard work and there will be times when you want to pack it all in and run back to your single life- but the vows made are binding- till death do us part.  And you have to stick by it. 

Miss Middleton's’  apparent omission to say “obey” in her vows reminds me of Queen Vashti and King Xerxes from the book of Esther.  Queen Vashti’s refusal to obey her husband got her demoted from her position as Queen and consequently led Esther to be put in her place.  But the main reason why King Xeres got rid of Vashti was because of the advisories around him who suggested that if the rest of the wives of that day and age got hold of what the queen had done – there would be a female revolt in the land. 

Now, I’m not suggesting that this could happen to the future monarch however by omitting the vow to obey- nobody can get upset if it obidience doesn't happen.  Because it was never promised initially. 
Submission in a relationship happens out love for one another and God. If a man is reflecting Godly characteristics obeying/submitting will not be a chore for the woman.  Submission is not in place to supress women - it is an outward reflection of our walk with Christ.  

 

Ephesians 5:21-33 (The Message)

Relationships

²¹Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.

^22-24Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

^25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favour—since they're already "one" in marriage.

^29-33No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honour her husband.

Source The Message Bible- from Biblegateway.com

I came.  I saw.  I blog.

Ruthie x

One born every minute

It seems as if this time of year is ominous with bringing children into the world- and the number of babies and expectant mothers around would only confirm this. The maternity wards across the globe must be booming if one child is being born every minute.  It’s a quite a humbling thought that of all the 24 hours that we’re given - 1440 new individuals just entered the world.

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Birth is never an easy topic to discuss if you're squeamish and the linings your stomach weaken at the very thought of blood.  But birth, is the one resounding similarity that everyone of us- dead or alive – has. We have all been born and our stamp of entry are the birth dates we possess.  Yet, there is one more unanimous similarity concerning birth. We are born and we belong. 

The image of the nuclear family has disintegrated with the western worlds’ view of what “The family” looks like.   Today, reflections of family life include images of the blended and single parent families.  We no longer feel alien at the thought of two individuals now coming together in union, both with children from previous marriages. 

Pressure exists when it comes to ‘the best’ times that women should start putting their fallopian tubes to good use.  Sometimes the sound of the ticking biological clock can be so loud - it causes some women willing try to get pregnant- knowing that their current relationship may never be longstanding. The responsibility of raising the child by themselves is not an issue that fills them with fright if they are financial secure and stable - it’s the realisation that without that sperm an egg is just an egg.

In a worldly sense, being born out of wedlock is no longer taboo.  Gone are the days where expectant unmarried females would hang their head in shame and have to suffer the brunt of the neighbours gossiping over the garden fence - nowadays we don’t blink twice. Yet, it goes without thought that the expectant mother would be fully accepting of the responsibility now being thrust upon her and the duty of care of for the seed that’s within her.  Still, as much as birth and belonging go hand in hand. You can be born- but not belong. 

The story of Gary Gatwick was unknown to me until recently.  His journey began just a couple of years before I was born and as cryptic as his name may sound it is a major clue about the location in which he was found – the female toilets of Gatwick airport.  One of the busiest international airports in the world and some unknown individual left him in a carrier bag in the south terminal toilets. It doesn’t even bare thinking what kind of turmoil the mother (or father) of the child was in and who’s to say that it was the mother or father who left the Gary in the toilets?  It could have been a relative, close family friend trying to cover up the shame and stigma attached to the newly born child. Maybe the financial strain of a child was too much to bare on the shoulders of the abandoner?

Who is to know? The possibilities could endure for days- usually scenes like this are seen in episodes of CSI or Without a trace- but even then there is always a happy ending.   But for Gary, (now known as Stephan, the name given to him by adopted parents) the mystery of who his mother may be continues, having tried to find her to much avail but currently not having no success.  While watching his documentary I was actually touched that a man, who is now a father himself and understands what it means to love and nurture a child, held no grudges against his biological mother for what she’d done.  He just wanted answers.

I heard some one describe forgiveness as giving up your right for resentment or anger towards a person who is fully liable for it.  And I had never considered thinking about it that mind-set. Verbally saying “I forgive you” is easy. They are just words but we can often still be harbouring anger like an anchor at sea.  When an anchor is thrown overboard- it keeps that ship rooted so it won’t move.  Unforgiveness prevents us from moving on.  We know the looks we give that individual that wronged us, even though we told them we’ve forgiven them. The negative thoughts we think about them inside our heads that we’d never openly admit and the remarks we make about them behind their backs.  That is not total forgiveness.

Currently, the UK has no baby hatches where abandoned babies can be placed safely and then moved on to foster care or adoption.  In comparison to countries such as Germany that has 96 and Czech Republic that has 40.  And in 2010, the issue of abandoned babies in Malaysia was so severe that the number of hatches available had to be increased*.  There is a void that attaches itself to those who discover they were not wanted at birth. Whether that be through abandonment, foster care or adoption, it is a hole too big to think about. And having not endured it myself, I cannot fathom to consider how I would feel knowing that I at some stage in my life I wasn’t wanted.

As an avid reader, I regularly pick up Pride magazine.  Without fail, every month it contains advertisements and supplements encouraging it’s readers to consider adoption and fostering.  Whether or not any of the children on those pages have been abandoned is neither here nor there- however there is a gap that needs to be filled before forgiveness sets in like the anchor.  One of my favourite movies is Antwone Fisher.  Based on a true story of a young man struggling with abandonment, when the point comes to meet the woman who gave him up, all he has to say to her are the following words…

Antwone Meets His Mother
Antwone Fisherat MOVIECLIPS.com

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I came. I saw.  I blog.

Ruthie x

Food for thought: Forgiveness is never easy and if you’re reading this and you are battling with forgiveness - I have but three words for you. Let it go. “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”- Nelson Mandela

Feel free to leave comments below.