It seems as if this time of year is ominous with bringing children into the world- and the number of babies and expectant mothers around would only confirm this. The maternity wards across the globe must be booming if one child is being born every minute. It’s a quite a humbling thought that of all the 24 hours that we’re given - 1440 new individuals just entered the world.
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Birth is never an easy topic to discuss if you're squeamish and the linings your stomach weaken at the very thought of blood. But birth, is the one resounding similarity that everyone of us- dead or alive – has. We have all been born and our stamp of entry are the birth dates we possess. Yet, there is one more unanimous similarity concerning birth. We are born and we belong.
The image of the nuclear family has disintegrated with the western worlds’ view of what “The family” looks like. Today, reflections of family life include images of the blended and single parent families. We no longer feel alien at the thought of two individuals now coming together in union, both with children from previous marriages.
Pressure exists when it comes to ‘the best’ times that women should start putting their fallopian tubes to good use. Sometimes the sound of the ticking biological clock can be so loud - it causes some women willing try to get pregnant- knowing that their current relationship may never be longstanding. The responsibility of raising the child by themselves is not an issue that fills them with fright if they are financial secure and stable - it’s the realisation that without that sperm an egg is just an egg.
In a worldly sense, being born out of wedlock is no longer taboo. Gone are the days where expectant unmarried females would hang their head in shame and have to suffer the brunt of the neighbours gossiping over the garden fence - nowadays we don’t blink twice. Yet, it goes without thought that the expectant mother would be fully accepting of the responsibility now being thrust upon her and the duty of care of for the seed that’s within her. Still, as much as birth and belonging go hand in hand. You can be born- but not belong.
The story of Gary Gatwick was unknown to me until recently. His journey began just a couple of years before I was born and as cryptic as his name may sound it is a major clue about the location in which he was found – the female toilets of Gatwick airport. One of the busiest international airports in the world and some unknown individual left him in a carrier bag in the south terminal toilets. It doesn’t even bare thinking what kind of turmoil the mother (or father) of the child was in and who’s to say that it was the mother or father who left the Gary in the toilets? It could have been a relative, close family friend trying to cover up the shame and stigma attached to the newly born child. Maybe the financial strain of a child was too much to bare on the shoulders of the abandoner?
Who is to know? The possibilities could endure for days- usually scenes like this are seen in episodes of CSI or Without a trace- but even then there is always a happy ending. But for Gary, (now known as Stephan, the name given to him by adopted parents) the mystery of who his mother may be continues, having tried to find her to much avail but currently not having no success. While watching his documentary I was actually touched that a man, who is now a father himself and understands what it means to love and nurture a child, held no grudges against his biological mother for what she’d done. He just wanted answers.
I heard some one describe forgiveness as giving up your right for resentment or anger towards a person who is fully liable for it. And I had never considered thinking about it that mind-set. Verbally saying “I forgive you” is easy. They are just words but we can often still be harbouring anger like an anchor at sea. When an anchor is thrown overboard- it keeps that ship rooted so it won’t move. Unforgiveness prevents us from moving on. We know the looks we give that individual that wronged us, even though we told them we’ve forgiven them. The negative thoughts we think about them inside our heads that we’d never openly admit and the remarks we make about them behind their backs. That is not total forgiveness.
Currently, the UK has no baby hatches where abandoned babies can be placed safely and then moved on to foster care or adoption. In comparison to countries such as Germany that has 96 and Czech Republic that has 40. And in 2010, the issue of abandoned babies in Malaysia was so severe that the number of hatches available had to be increased*. There is a void that attaches itself to those who discover they were not wanted at birth. Whether that be through abandonment, foster care or adoption, it is a hole too big to think about. And having not endured it myself, I cannot fathom to consider how I would feel knowing that I at some stage in my life I wasn’t wanted.
As an avid reader, I regularly pick up Pride magazine. Without fail, every month it contains advertisements and supplements encouraging it’s readers to consider adoption and fostering. Whether or not any of the children on those pages have been abandoned is neither here nor there- however there is a gap that needs to be filled before forgiveness sets in like the anchor. One of my favourite movies is Antwone Fisher. Based on a true story of a young man struggling with abandonment, when the point comes to meet the woman who gave him up, all he has to say to her are the following words…
I came. I saw. I blog.
Ruthie x
Food for thought: Forgiveness is never easy and if you’re reading this and you are battling with forgiveness - I have but three words for you. Let it go. “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”- Nelson Mandela
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